(if your interested that is)
The second time was in the autumm. that year, i had been sneaking around in my mum and dads room again and my dad had come upstairs, I lied through my teeth to him and tought i had gotten away with it, the next day i came home and found that my mum had been through my room and found my "cleverly" hidden - down the side of my bed, the last place they will think of i had tought to myself, how wrong can you be? - stash of her clothes. My dad was less than impressed with me, although I think it was about my lying to him than anything else.
These incidents changed my dressing habits for the next few months,until i was about 14 i would never take anything but as time went on I slowly began building up my collection. One added bonus i had at this time was that one of my friends sister was throwing out a load of clothing and we were about the same size, i managed to get hold of some of this for myself, and really had a lot of fun with it. It was during this period that i began to be bullied at school i'm not sure why i was picked on, maybe it was because i did not do "BOYISH" things and the fact that i wore my heart on my sleve thankfully i had some very good friends as well.At 16 i left school with my brace of GCSE grades and entered college - an aircraft engineering course, i had always been fascinated by aircraft since i was young (still am!) and i was trying to be a bit more Macho - i had gotten it in to my head that the reason i was bullied at school was that i was different to effeminate - so it seemed like a perfect choice. This is what i refer to as my last stab at masculinity (and the repercussions still haunt me today) but i found the course quite challenging (challenging as in only 30% of us made the second year) and a made a few good friends there as well. At this time i also got my first part time job - it was not much but it allowed me to begin to build up a collection of my own clothing - non of my friends knew of course, and i would occasionally wear lingre to college under my male clothes. At this time i really did not have any contact with other T-girls, i had heard about someone who had come to college in a dress one day of the second term but unfortunatley CRC was not the most receptive of audience's, poor thing left in tears, or so i am told but i did not witness this event, so if you are reading this right now - sorry i was not there!.
After three years i passed college and got out in to the world of work and dicovered such lovley things as taxes and national insurance contributions. Worst of all I could not find a job in the aircraft sector, which really depressed me, it took me almost a year to get over the notion that i was useless and made a stab at getting a proper job when i was 19. This was when i began to dress properly, I enlarged my collection significantly and began to experiment with makeup. I would dress as often as possible for as long as possible. Every friday and saturday night i would be dressed along with any other time I could find. At about this time I began to find that I was not a weird freak mainly via the internet, whilst I could not bring myself to contact anyone it was helpful just hearing that there wre others who felt the same way as me. This continued to until 20th june 2002 when i finally decided i had had enough of the closet and got myself out. my only thought these days is "why did I not do it sooner?". Since then i have really been enjoying myself, sure i'd go out dressed drab with my friends but it was always like I had to pretend to be something I'm not, I never really liked having to "butch up" for when i went out, and for the last few weeks most of my "normal"(is that the right word, i mean what is normal anyway?) friends have not seen me. I have made a few good friends since i came out though (see friends page). I think that my family knows that i dress (i've been rather careless of late) and i am fairly sure that they know i am going out dressed these days, I still live with the parents and it must be rather obvious that every time I go out I take a large sports bag with me!.
As to the future i'm not sure where my life will end up, I have recently been giving a lot of thought to the question "Am i a Transsexual?" and to be honest I can get rather depressed about the subject at times, but one way or another i am going to find out what i need to do with myself, maybe i'll never go all the way, but then again maybe i will, but i intend to enjoy myself along the journey whatever path I choose, life is far to short to be spent being miserable. Two things I am sure of however is that dressing is one thing i could never give up - it means far to much to me. The other is that i really want to improve my look Above all else I don't want to reach 40 and suddenly decide that I've wasted my life.
Update - 15/10/02
I've been a little remiss in posting on this site for a couple of month's, I've been a little busy and i've had quite a few changes to cope with. I have come out to my parents, who are both supportive of me although they do not understand my need to dress while this has not changed my dressing habits any ie I can't wander around the house in a skirt when my mum is home. It has lifted a weight from my mind, not having to hide what i am doing so much anymore, and more importantly i can talk to them about how I feel, it has had some other benefits as well my mum has already supplied me with makeup remover! (although I think it was the state I left the towels in when I took my makeup off more than anything else!).
Other than that I've finally managed to get myself to a club, i have attended the Last two Trans-mission's in london, an exellent club held on the first saturday of every month, and had a really good time, spent far to much money, and drank far to many vodka and cokes (hic!).
